Your teen’s social wellbeing is all about their relationships with others.
Listen to today’s episode or read the post below to learn about my top 4 tips on what you as a parent need to focus on in terms of your teen’s social wellbeing.
Welcome to the sixth post of this 8-part series on holistic wellbeing for teens.
This series is on what you as a parent should be paying attention to when it comes down to the holistic wellbeing of your teen or preteen.
This post is about social wellbeing.
Social wellbeing is about:
* Building and maintaining healthy relationships with other people
* Participating in community, feeling valued as a member of a group, and
* Feeling connected to a wider social environment.
I like to think of this as our relational wellbeing with our society.
Why is social well-being important for your teens?
1. Everyone, including your teens, have basic human needs to belong.
We are social creatures who need each other.
I will come back to the limbic system. This part of the brain is responsible for our desire to be with others, around others, and connected to others. It generates feelings of safety and happiness within us when we are with our “troop.”
When we feel connected, and when we know we’re making a meaningful impact on other people and world around us , this feeling causes the brain to release feel good hormones
That in turn makes us feel authentic and valued, and it gives us a sense of connectedness and belonging.
Without awareness, development, and maintenance of our social well-being, we run the risk of becoming socially isolated. This is different from choosing to have some time alone to enjoy solitude. Social isolation isn’t really a choice. It can be very harmful.
2. Social wellbeing of individuals can also tangibly improve the quality of the community in which we live, creating greater societal well-being.
And if we really wanted change on this planet, then we need to start working with our young ones, who are the future .
Let’s dive into how Social Wellbeing plays out in the life of teens.
Teens have two conflicting needs:
On one side they want to fit in, they want to belong, they want to feel normal.
And on the other, they want to be independent and feel special and let their unique personality come through.
Imagine a scale. It becomes a balance between the two. You don’t want to tip the scale to any side.
The biggest arena where this balance gets played out is in relationships. Social wellbeing is all about healthy relationships with other people.
Teen Relationships
To understand your teen, I want you to think of concentric circles, with your kid in the centre of the circle.
These circles are:
* Close Family
* Friendships – Friendship is a big thing
* School
* Clubs
* Extended family
* Community local or online
* And so on
You need to acknowledge these circles and be aware of them.
Here are three tips you for you to teach your kids about healthy relationships:
Tip 1 – Strong Connection
Connection in the family and unconditional love are essential, and I’ve been talking about this right from the beginning.
Everything starts at home
Your teens need to know they’re enough, they’re loved, they’re accepted, they belong.
They also need to know that they’re not defined by labels or friends they hang out with. They’re their own unique worthy self.
Tip 2 – Healthy Boundaries
Teach your teens about maintaining healthy boundaries in all their relationships
Boundaries are like windows in our house, we open them when it’s sunny and warm, and we close them when it’s rainy and cold.
Also start conversations with your teens.
Questions to ask them include: What do you like about this relationship? What don’t you like? What do you think is missing?
And teach them about creating space between them and others in a kind but assertive way.
Being assertive happens when:
We pause – we take a step back, we breathe.
We communicate in a healthy way, we explain what happened, without blaming.
We affirm and admit.
Tip 3 – Group Roles
Teach your teens about the many roles in a group: The leader, listener, learner, blind follower, agitator, scapegoat, investigator, etc…
There are positive and negative behaviours in each role.
And roles change depending on the group.
Think about the different areas in your life and what roles do you play in them.
Talk with your teen, ask them: How do you feel about this group?
Tip 4 – Non-negotiable Values
Give your teen a strong rulebook to fall back on whenever they’re in doubt. Have a set of non-negotiables for them. For example, don’t lie, say what you mean and mean what you say, or don’t make assumptions.
Involve your teen in coming up with these non-negotiables.
And constantly remind them about them. Be a role model yourself.
Quick Recap
When it comes to you teen’s social wellbeing,
- Focus on connection at home
- Teach your teens about boundaries in relationships
- Teach them about roles in groups
- Give them a set of non-negotiable standards that they can fall back on whenever they’re in doubt
I invite you now to pause and reflect on your top takeaway from this post.
What small, simple step can you start doing today to improve your teen’s social wellbeing?
Don’t forget to check the other posts related to Holistic Wellbeing below.